I will do whatever it takes to make sure
the people I love, that is you and that is Janey,
go into a special Vault for management.
A nuclear event would be a tragedy.
But also an opportunity.
Because war, well...
war never changes.
Your wife is going to Vegas next week
to sell Cold Fusion to Robert House.
How would you like to forget everything you've ever known.
Please, yes.
Let's begin.
Steph, if you don't help us,
there won't be a Vault 33 anymore.
When you said "experiment" to Betty, what were you talking about?
Overseer stuff.
We can't be wasting resources on your little club right now.
I'll have you know, my little group is growing in numbers every week.
- You're a snack club. - You're not taking this from me.
I've seen what it's like out there.
I'm just trying to make it better.
It couldn't have been all bad out there. You met that girl.
And maybe she's still out there.
Get that as far away from here as you can.
I'm looking for someone.
What do you plan to do to him when you find him?
You don't happen to have any vials, do ya?
- My name is Roger. - You're turnin'.
Hi!
I was sent here by your father.
Mr. MacLean is watching over this gentleman's wife and daughter.
We were actually beginning to get along.
We need to talk.
My little Sugarbomb.
...sales in Southern California.
We'll be increasing our billboard presence
which means we need to make some aesthetic choices.
So, in actuality,
this is what a five-megaton blast will look like over Los Angeles.
Marketing thinks a ten-megaton blast will look better for the billboards.
Mm, but it won't be a ten-megaton blast.
It'll be multiple five-megaton blasts.
Obviously, it will be multiple blasts for Los Angeles,
but our design team thinks that it will look too busy.
- Mm. - See?
Just a cacophony of puff clouds.
Mm.
- Now, look at that. - Mm-mm-mm.
The bad news is our water chips have a 30% fail rate.
The good news is we'll know which ones fail before installation.
So, we get to choose who runs out of water.
Any, uh, preferences?
Our internal early alert system gives us at minimum 30 minutes
from notice to ignition in downtown Los Angeles.
You know, we'd be crazy not to offer specialized freeway lanes
for our premium customers.
I mean, that's just money on the table right there.
Hi there.
I asked Betty if I could take notes on this one.
She said yes.
So...
here it is.
RobCo presents the automated man.
Spent a lot of time trying to make my machines more lifelike,
but, hey, works the other way around, too.
Mr. House, Vault-Tec and RobCo
have always had a special arrangement.
You have multiple Vaults to do with as you wish.
If this is the research you'd like to pursue in the Vaults, you--
You must have missed the telegram.
You're paying me for this.
In exchange, I get Cold Fusion
to power my little project in Vegas.
And what project is that?
Might be above your pay grade.
You'll find out about it after the bombs drop, I guess.
Come on, come on. Fuck.
Uh, little help? Little help?
Son of a bitch.
Dogmeat. Fetch me that satchel.
Come on.
Go on, now.
I, I need my vials.
No.
I don't need the fuckin' hat.
I need that satchel.
You stupid fuckin' dog!
Not today.
Last night I was thinking about when I proposed to you.
Catalina.
We walked out to that...
romantic point.
The rocks were all covered in seagull shit.
I'll never forget the sound it made when I took a knee.
You know, the thing that I-I can't figure out...
is were you a monster back then?
Or did you become one later?
Excuse me?
"War never changes."
I know what you're planning to do, Barb.
Morning.
Beautiful day, isn't it?
Please, after you.
Oh, come on. I insist you go.
- Oh, no, no, no. - Please, after you.
Coffee?
I finished another batch.
- Here you go, Shelley. - Fantastic.
Let me take those out of your way.
We never got to discuss All Quiet, did we?
I guess we were waiting 'til after the wedding.
Right?
That end, that was a humdinger, huh?
I didn't finish it.
That's okay.
You've been busy.
What did you think about the parts that you did read?
I found it very upsetting.
Can't disagree with you there.
What aspect upset you most?
To me, the most troubling was that everyone
seemed to be fighting over nothing.
The French and the German, what was the difference between them, really?
I mean, other than the uniforms?
I saw the same thing up on the surface.
People fighting over the most petty things, like bottle caps.
Is that what you saw when you were there?
But, you know, some things just never change.
People just wanna kill each other, don't they?
I think it's the only way for people to feel safe.
It's ironic. To feel safe, we have to hurt people.
Even kill them, because the--
It's crazy...
the war instinct, hm?
I'm bringing you back to Vault 33 to face justice.
For murdering the citizens of Shady Sands.
You have the right to remain silent until the Vault Council
assigns you a legal counselor.
For a second there, I thought the Wasteland had changed you.
If you wanna make this official, you should use...
these handcuffs.
What are you doing?
Surrendering.
Why?
I did what I did to protect you.
But maybe it came at too high a price.
And there comes a time in a man's life when he has to take responsibility
for what he's done, and for me, that time has come.
You have come, Sugarbomb.
But, please, just let me tell you what I've been doing here.
- No. We're going. - Just give me a chance.
I think you'll call what I've been doing redemptive.
You mean brainwashing those people?
I wouldn't call it brainwashing.
It's a very sophisticated process
- and we've been having amazing results-- - I don't care! Let's go.
You know how I get with all my little projects.
Do you remember the field...
with the potato batteries when you were five?
And you had a little flashlight, and you would run around
recharging the batteries with your little red flashlight,
do you remember that?
Let's go.
Oh, come on.
You sure we gotta leave it?
They have trackers in these things.
They'll come for it.
That Armor's more trouble than it's worth.
Oh, jeez.
You know, if that isn't a sacred remnant, I don't know what is.
We gotta sell it, huh?
Wh... No.
- Huh. - Absolutely not.
Why... we are not selling it.
Yeah, right, right, of course. Not gonna sell it, sell it.
We would, you know... find a buyer
and sort of, you know, you put... put out feelers.
- We just... we do a trade. - No.
- Trade? - No, we're not giving it away, alright?
A trade, that's not... a trade, you get something.
Absolutely not.
We definitely gotta sell it.
I told you. We'll give it to the right person.
A good person.
Name a good person, seriously.
That girl I met.
- The Vault Dweller. - Yeah.
Yeah, y'know, uh, I would be a good person too
if I grew up on top of a mountain of food, and supplies,
in some cozy little impenetrable home.
Wouldn't look like this, that's for sure.
Wouldn't have to steal, and stab,
and fib all the goddamn time just to get by.
But if we sell it, guess what? Then we'll be rich.
And then we'll have the means to be one of those good people you're talking about.
'Cause I've seen a lot o' things.
You know, like, crazy things.
But "good people"?
No.
Where were you born again, Thaddeus?
Uh, the Boneyard.
At the Shithole side of the Boneyard.
I guess I'm the lucky one. Come here from Shady Sands.
I remember good people.
Well, if you're the lucky one, then we're both screwed.
No offense.
My... my name...
My name is... Cooper.
My name is Cooper.
Cooper Howard.
I have a dau... a daughter.
I have a daughter.
Her-her-her name...
is Ja... is Janey Howard.
Janey...
Howard.
She's alive.
She's a... she's alive.
My daughter's alive.
The Inbreeding Support Group is at max capacity.
So, I'm sorry, but triple cousins doesn't cut it anymore.
See ya.
Yeah, it's just something that I've learned, but.
Go for the Twizzlers, yeah.
Anyway.
By order of Overseer Betty Pearson,
the snack budget for the Products
of the Inbreeding Support Group has been rescinded.
And the Inbreeding Support Group
has been dissolved.
Calm down. Calm down, everyone.
I wanna talk to Betty.
You've been ignoring my requests to sit down with you, hiding from me.
I'm sorry it had to come to this.
- But for the good of this Vault-- - You know what, fine.
You can dissolve the Inbreeding Support Group.
But you can't take away our snack budget.
- In my office now. - No.
We can have this conversation right here.
We're running out of water,
and you're feeding people salty snacks.
We're giving the people what they want!
Mm-hmm. Exactly.
We are working very hard on solving the water issue.
What we need is time.
And I'm sorry, but you don't get extra rations
because of who your parents were.
Actually, this is still America
so, yes, you do.
We're all down here because of who our parents were.
- Yeah, that's right. - And who their parents were.
Our ancestors put themselves first.
And you know what? That worked out for them.
And for us.
I'm not ashamed of that anymore.
- I understand. - I don't think you do, Betty.
You're from Vault 31.
I know.
I know things are different there.
You 31ers are just plum different somehow.
Please, listen to me.
During the Weevil Famine--
We don't wanna hear about the Weevil Famine anymore!
It feels good to hear someone finally say that out loud.
- I see. - Hm!
Let's go, Reg!
Yeah, Reg!
- You showed her! - Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Irv, have you seen Woody?
No, huh?
Hey, what about Woody?
I was meant to play checkers this morning.
You wanna know the truth?
Yes. The truth, please.
I don't even like checkers.
I only play 'cause it seems to make Woody happy.
But who doesn't want to make Woody happy?
He's such a great guy!
If Woody's missing, we should bring it up with the Overseer.
Good luck with that.
Uh, s-sorry, Chet.
I know she's your wife, but sometimes she can--
Excuse me, Davey.
She's not my wife.
I'm sorry. Fiancée.
I saw the poster. Congratulations.
There's a poster?
- Oh, hey there, Chet. Congrats!
Uranium.
Bad for them... good for you.
Aw, fuck.
There's a war coming. And we need you healthy.
Be still.
You'll slow the healing.
They call us abominations.
But they created our kind.
Our kind?
I think you and me got bit by a different motherfuckin' bug, my friend.
Ghouls. Mutants. We're kin.
And we should unite against our common enemy.
They drove us to the point of extinction and forgot we ever existed.
But we didn't forget them.
The people who set all this in motion.
The Enclave.
I've been wastelanding for 200 years.
Whatever it is I got to do, I do it alone.
Uh-huh.
And how's that workin' out for you?
I've kept myself alive for one...
reason.
To find my family.
Well, then, you're gonna need friends.
But, if you won't join our kind...
...then you can't know where we live.
No. No.
Don't walk away from me, Coop.
I know more than you know, okay?
There are over 12,000 nuclear warheads set--
I'm not a board member. I am your husband.
- Don't-- - I don't care about
your fuckin' statistics.
Statistics? This is about Janey.
So...
for our daughter, you would kill millions of people.
- Don't do that. - Billions of people.
- Other-other mothers just like you. - Don't do that, Coop, do not do that.
Other daughters just like our daughter!
Wouldn't you?
For Janey.
Wouldn't you?
There are worse people out there than me, Coop.
Who?
Who could possibly be worse than you?
Not much of an appetite.
Betty...
I want you to get me every bit of information you can
about how the Cold Fusion diode is stored at Vault-Tec.
- Oh. - How is it secured?
Who monitors it? Everything.
Is that a good idea?
None of this is a good idea.
You're just a very replaceable part in this machine.
I'm sorry, who are you?
But if you forget your place in the company...
you'll die.
And so will your family.
The same will happen to me if I don't communicate this message.
We're all in the same boat.
And not one of us can stop it. You know that.
You wake up knowing it.
The leaders of the most powerful corporations
will be gathering here.
And when they do...
you tell them...
the only way to guarantee results is--
By dropping the bomb ourselves.
Who threatened you?
Please, Coop.
You don't need to get involved in any of this.
Who controls Vault-Tec?
I don't know.
- Well, let's find out. - No, no, no, no, no.
This is not one of your movies with a happy ending.
There is nothing we can do.
If there was, I would have done it. I tried to do it.
This deal is going forward whether we like it or not.
Please, look at me.
I am your wife.
You know me.
I don't.
I don't know you, Barbara.
Where are you going?
To fuckin' do something.
Nothing to worry about, folks.
My daughter is here to pursue the cause of justice.
And we like justice, don't we?
Yes.
Ah.
Where did you find them all?
Oh, all over.
So many people need our help.
Like Marjorie.
Hi.
You used to be kind of a murderer, right?
I guess.
Now, she's a pencil sharpener, and a darn good one.
Oh, Sherman and Gregory were from opposing tribes.
If they'd met each other a month ago, they'd have killed each other.
And Rita.
She used to cook people for the Legion.
Now, she makes trail mix, and, boy, is it tasty.
- You're gonna have to try some. - Mm.
Oh, I'm, uh, I'm okay.
Thank you, Rita. Come on.
We're getting out of here.
Uh-huh. Let's go this way.
Management perk.
When we leave, we're leaving all of the doors open
so they can go home, understood?
You're the boss.
Hi, everyone.
I just wanna let you know
that you're free now, okay?
You can all go back to the surface now.
Uh, do we have to?
It's dangerous out there.
I agree.
But my daughter's moral code demands it.
But we like it down here.
Okay.
Tell you what, you can stay here as long as you like,
but when we leave, we're gonna open all the doors.
Right?
Hey, boss!
Uh, sorry to derail the conversation.
Just to flag,
what are we doing with these two males?
Uh, they haven't been fixed yet.
Should I just go ahead and do it now?
Great question.
All he needs to do is push a button.
- No. - Okey-dokey, send them off as-is.
- It's what she wants. - Okey-dokey!
No, wait! Wait, no!
NCR hostis!
This is exactly the kind of violence I'm trying to prevent.
I wish we could all just get along, don't you, Sugarbomb?
Pencil?
Ahh!
No. Don't!
Stop them!
Press the button, it's the only way.
Dammit!
Hey there, buddy. You okay?
Well, I seem to have found myself in a bit of a jam.
Could you help me out?
Sure.
What are you doing here?
Geez.
- Why, thank you. - Sure, sure.
Let's get you some help.
Looks like it stings.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Kum ba yah.
You just need to sit down for a bit.
Okay.
Let's find you...
- This is nice. - ...a comfortable chair.
- Nice! Big. - Come on, here we go.
- Okay. - Alright.
Oh yeah, that's good. Thank you.
Oh, thanks.
Wow.
Thanks for having me over, Coop.
You know, for some reason, I didn't think you liked me very much.
I hope you like 'em strong, cowboy.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
What is this?
Hank. Hank.
Hey, Hank. Hank, hey.
- Hank, what is this? - Huh?
Hank!
Is that..
Fuck.
Hey!