[Lucy MacLean] You can't treat people like this!
"Do unto others as you would have done unto you."
The golden rule.
Ain't much stays clean up here, Vaultie.
You'll see.
[Lucy] I may end up looking like you,
but I'll never be like you.
[Vault door clanking]
[Brain-on-a-Roomba] These are Bud's Buds.
A well-trained staff of highly supervised junior executives
from my own assistant training program.
-What are you doing? -Thawing everyone.
Plans are hard.
Chaos though... chaos is easy.
[Hank MacLean] This is Hank MacLean.
Reporting for duty, sir.
Trying to pick up where you all left off.
Miniaturization.
I'm gonna complete the work you started.
And when this is all over, you will be begging me to help you.
[Lucy] 34,000 people lived here after the war?
You never heard of the New California Republic?
[Lee Moldaver] Shady Sands.
Your father burned that city to the ground.
[Hank] I did what was necessary...
to save our people.
[Lucy] I wonder if anyone survived.
[Maximus] I did.
I met someone.
There's nowhere safe, Max.
And there's no leaving!
[Maximus] Lucy!
-[snake oil salesman] Is-is that a… -[Thaddeus] Fusion Core?
You don't see those around much anymore, do you?
[Lee Moldaver] Cold Fusion...
What do you suppose your Brotherhood would do with infinite power?
[Dane] Was that their leader?
-You killed her. -No. Dane.
All hail Maximus! That shalt be Knight hereafter!
Together, we will take power.
And with it, we will start a new Brotherhood.
With me as its head and you as its sword.
Your entire life, you've been looking for a home.
Build one with me.
♪♪
[♪ Jo Stafford: "You Belong to Me"]
[singer scatting]
-♪ See the pyramids ♪ -[child] Hey, Max.
Hi!
♪ Along the Nile ♪
♪ Watch the sunrise on a tropic isle ♪
♪ Just remember, darling, all the while ♪
♪ You belong to me ♪
[pump clacking]
♪ See the marketplace in old Algiers ♪
♪ Send me photographs ♪
-[chuckles] Hey. -♪ And souvenirs ♪
♪ Just remember when a dream appears ♪
[static crackling]
[chuckles] No trace of rads.
Incredible. [laughing]
-[chuckles] -Hey. Oh, babe.
There's even more clean water down there than we thought.
I mean, no one will ever have to worry about rationing it again.
-We can grow more crops. -[chuckles]
We can have another kid.
As soon as you figure out how to push a baby out of your own ass.
[laughing]
♪ Home again ♪
-♪ You belong to me ♪♪ -[Brahmin mooing]
[NCR caravaner] Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish
for a nuclear winter.
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter.
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish...
[dramatic music playing]
-Put it in the tent over there. -Yes, sir.
One day, you might be as good as me.
-No, I'm better than you. -You don't think so?
-I don't know about that. -I think I'm better!
C'mon, let's go see what the Caravan brought to town.
[Young Maximus] Yeah.
[people chattering]
Stay close, buddy. 'Scuse me.
Hey.
Excuse me.
-[caravaner muttering] -Somebody call the doc?
[townsperson] He's on his way.
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter.
[suspenseful music playing]
[softly] What is it?
-[intense music playing] -[townspeople exclaiming]
Everyone, run!
Run!
Go home! Go to your mom!
Go!
[dramatic music playing]
[clanking]
[muttering] Okay. Okay.
Alright. Okay. Need to calm down.
♪♪
Okay, relax. Okay.
[relieved sigh]
Okay.
[beeping]
[ominous music playing]
Go! Go! Go!
[beeping continues]
Hey, go get your kit.
-Oh God, no! -Go get your kit.
-[panicked breathing] -That's okay, come here.
-[sobbing] -That's okay.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[muttering indistinctly]
[objects clattering]
-Come here. -It's okay.
Okay. [shushing] Hey, son.
Don't be scared. Now, listen.
I'm gonna need you to stay in here, okay?
Somebody's gonna come and get you out, but until then...
[sobbing] I need you to eat and drink very slowly, okay?
Don't be scared. It's safe in there.
-Okay? -Okay. Come here.
-[sobbing] -[sighs]
[whispering] You are a good boy.
And one day, you will be a good man.
Come on, let's get in here. Now, listen.
It could be tough out there, but as long as we leave it...
[sniffling] ...a little bit better than we found it...
-we did okay. -No, Daddy!
-No! -No. [sobbing]
[inaudible]
[voice muffled] No, Daddy, no!
-Daddy! -[sobbing]
-No, Daddy! -We were just getting started.
It's okay, we did good.
We raised him.
-Hey, we did okay-- -[loud whooshing]
[somber music playing]
[water turning off]
[Young Lucy MacLean] Dad?
Yeah?
[Young Lucy] Come read to me!
[sighs]
Okey-dokey!
Alright. What book shall we read, Lucy?
Ah! The Wind in the Willows!
[Young Lucy] When's Mom coming back?
[heavy footsteps]
[growling]
-[growling] -[gunshot]
[dramatic music playing]
[growling]
[gunfire continues]
-[tense music playing] -[growling]
-[bones cracking] -[growling continues]
[distorted] That's what we came for?
Doesn't matter.
Pack it up and report to the Vertibird.
♪♪
[dramatic music playing]
[blades decelerating]
[soldier] All hail Knight Maximus.
[troops cheering]
[cheering continues]
[machine whirring, beeping]
Good. We got power.
♪♪
You encounter much resistance?
Abominations.
-Nothing we couldn't handle. -Good.
What is it?
The key to our new home.
The Brotherhood has become scattered, broken,
into dozens of rival chapters.
But now, we have the strength to unify them
under one banner, here,
with the mightiest arsenal in history
at our disposal.
♪♪
[button clicks, machine whirring]
[whirring continues]
[fans whooshing]
[dramatic music playing]
[music swells]
Together...
we will fulfill our promise...
to make better this-- this fallen world.
My son.
[resonant music playing]
[♪ Bert Weedon: "Lazy Day Blues"]
[insects chirping]
Water.
Were you always this rude?
I'm guessing not.
Look, your family may very well still be out there.
I've seen enough by now to know that nearly anything's possible,
but one thing I wouldn't count on is them
appreciating the kind of person you've become.
I mean, you want 'em to like you, right?
I'm just saying, a little bit of kindness can go a long way.
Charles Dickens actually wrote a whole book about it, if you're interested.
-Nope. -And by the third ghost,
he was pretty much cured.
[Ghoul] Mhmm.
[distant shouting] Help!
[voice echoing] Somebody help! Please!
I think it's coming from inside.
Empathy's like mud. You lose your boots in that stuff.
Well, I'm not just gonna let someone die while I listen to 'em scream.
Folks been screamin' for 200 fuckin' years.
Did it ever occur to you that if you helped them, they would stop?
You wanna know what I was like before the war?
I was just like you.
Stupid.
[shouting continues]
[Ghoul groans]
[shouting] Help!
[Dogmeat barking]
[voice] Help!
Waste o' time.
Doing the right thing is never a waste of time.
[voice] Help!
♪♪
[voice] Help!
Help!
-[Dogmeat barking] -Help!
Help!
[breathing heavily] Help! We need medicine!
-[Lucy] What happened here? -Tunics.
You awful far west, ain't you?
Ignore him.
-I got one stimpak left, okay? -[Wounded Woman] Okay.
That would be a profound misallocation of resources.
Folks in them outfits don't deserve savin'.
[whispering] Here.
[Wounded Man groaning]
Another one.
[satchel drops]
Let me help you up there, cowboy.
[Wounded Woman] No!
-[knife slashing] -[flesh squelching]
But you did lead us to dinner.
-[whimpering] -No, no! Not her, too!
[gagging]
[spitting]
[grunting]
[distant scuttling]
[scuttling continues]
What is that?
[gun cocking]
[scuttling continues]
-[loud boom] -[metal clanging]
[panicked breathing]
[whispering] They're back.
[scuttling]
-[baby Radscorpion screeching] -[screaming]
[Ghoul shouting]
[gunshot]
[screeching]
[metal clanging]
[banging]
[Dogmeat yipping]
[growling]
[baby Radscorpion screeching]
♪♪
Ah, shit! Get the fuck off me!
[metal clanging]
Ah!
[chittering]
[screeches]
Sonuva bitch!
[screaming]
Let her go!
[grunting]
[yelling]
[snarling]
Fuck you, sweetheart!
[grunting]
Oh.
[panting]
Give me the stimpak.
-Give it to me. -Help. Help me!
[both grunting]
I only have one.
-[Wounded Woman] Please! -Giv-g-g-give it to me.
I...
[Ghoul grunting]
-[Wounded Woman] Please. -[Ghoul] Give it to me.
-[shouting] -[groaning]
Fuck you.
She'll die without it.
You won't.
[Wounded Woman] [whispering] Thank you. Thank you.
You're welcome.
We'll get you home to your people, okay?
[Ghoul groaning]
Golden rule, motherfucker.
[Ghoul laughing]
-[Ghoul grunting] -That rule is for people.
You're disgusting. Cruel.
I am nothing like you.
-[Ghoul grunting] -[Lucy] Come on.
Which is why, when I get her home, I'll come back for you.
Give you a little time to think about the consequences of your actions.
[groaning]
I wouldn't worry about him.
He's very durable. He'll be... he'll be fine.
I wasn't worried about him.
That's fair.
[alarm blaring]
[air hissing]
[shallow breathing]
[ominous music playing]
[person coughing]
[retching]
[Vault 31er] Where's Bud Askins? Has anyone seen Bud Askins?
[Clark] I'm sorry, why are we all here?
I thought this was gonna be more of a one-by-one situation.
There's been a change of plan.
-Should I be able to see by now? -Relax, Claudia.
There's been a change of plans, obviously. Jeez.
[screaming]
Is she good?
I'm okay.
Everyone, if I can just try and explain.
If they thawed everyone at once, that must mean it's Reclamation Day.
[laughter, excited chatter]
About that.
It's been 200 years since you were frozen.
It is Reclamation Day.
[relieved sighs, laughter]
[applause]
But unfortunately, Bud Askins is, uh...
uh...
[malfunctioning]
Bud Askins is dead.
-What? -Oh, no.
So, if we can just try and remain calm.
We need to figure out a way to get out of here, together.
[Clark] "Get out of here"? Wait, wait, wait.
-You're saying we're trapped? -[gasping]
Is there someone else that we can speak to about this?
[panicked chatter]
-[exclaiming] -Please.
-Please no. -Oh, God.
-I can't believe this. -[Pete] Everyone! I'm just gonna go back.
Could someone help me go back, please?
Um, if we could just try and stay focused.
Uh, someone ate all the crackers from my welcoming kit.
We're all gonna die. We're all gonna die.
[ominous music intensifies, swells]
[suspenseful music playing]
[cart whirring]
[jazzy big band music playing]
[tires screeching]
♪♪
[mouse squeaking]
[elevator pings]
[mouse squeaking]
[whispering] Yeah.
♪♪
[tone pulsing]
[dial clicking]
[pulsing intensifies]
[mouse squeaking loudly]
[sighs]
[big band music continues playing]
-[tone pulsing] -[dial clicking]
[mouse squeaking]
[big band music continues playing]
[tone pulsing]
[mouse squeaking]
-[tone pulsing] -[mouse squeaking]
[mouse squeaking]
[dial clicking]
[tone pulsing]
-[sighs] -[dial clicking]
Okay.
[airship whirring]
[dramatic music playing]
[heavy footsteps]
Holy shit.
A real fuckin' icebox. Ha!
[♪ The Dale Sisters: "Secrets"]
♪ Tikki-tikki-tooka, tik-tik-ki-tookala ♪
♪ Tikki-tikki-tookadooba ♪
♪ You know the sweethearts have had their secrets ♪
Scribes.
♪ Ever since the world began ♪
Send those to the Clerics for sorting.
Yes, sir.
[pulsating]
Please don't play with grenades inside!
-[pulsating stops] -[Knight Riley] Yes, sir!
♪ And stolen kisses ♪♪
[Knight] Whoa!
Bring her outside, shitheads!
Let's see what this baby can do!
[Knight] Hell yeah!
♪♪
[machine chirping]
[high-pitched whirring]
What do you think he'll do with it?
Nothing good.
[Young Aspirant] Why do you do that?
Because it's important.
What is our duty?
To fix a fallen world?
Sometimes.
In order to make a big problem something you can handle,
you gotta make it small.
So we start by bettering ourselves.
And you can do that in all sorts of ways, you know.
Self-discipline, generosity, valor.
-And not smelling really bad. -[chuckles]
Dismissed.
[menacing music playing]
It's always gonna get dirty again.
"Better to polish dirty steel than have it stay clean."
Used to quote the Codex to each other as a joke.
I've seen what it's like out there.
The Brotherhood is as good as it gets. I'm just trying to make it better.
It couldn't have been all bad out there. You met that girl.
She left.
And maybe she's still out there.
I have duties here.
Listen, I've read the comms.
Quintus called for this meeting,
but he... he didn't tell the Commonwealth.
He's breaking chain of command.
[booming, airship zooming]
Max, the Commonwealth isn't going to let him
seize power without a war.
Is that what you want?
You said it yourself.
There's nowhere safe out there.
Not as long as there's people out there who--
[alarm blaring]
If the Brotherhood can keep history from repeating itself...
my job is to help them do that.
[alarm continues blaring]
[dramatic music playing]
♪♪
[Quintus] Welcome to all who've traveled from afar
for this most auspicious meeting.
From the Grand Canyon.
From Yosemite.
From Coronado.
It's been decades since we gathered
to renew our shared and noble purpose.
Thanks to the efforts of the Knights of our chapter,
the axis of power has shifted in the Brotherhood.
Where the hell is the Commonwealth, Quintus?
They should be here.
And if they were here, what would happen?
Hm?
They would take the relic and give us nothing in return.
Does that seem fair to you?
[Grand Canyon Elder] No.
That's taxation without representation.
It's un-American.
But what you're suggesting would lead to civil war.
-With the Commonwealth. -Ha!
They'd kick our fuckin' asses.
[Quintus] Not if we stand together.
With the power of the Cold Fusion diode,
-we can power airships, armor. -[Knight laughing]
[laughter continues]
[Quintus] We can defeat the Commonwealth.
United under a common banner.
Your banner.
[Knights laughing]
[grenade pulsating, whirring]
[Knight continues laughing]
[whirring stops]
[Knight Gnatius] Sorry.
[Yosemite Elder] The chapters have grown apart over the years,
and mine doesn't go in for any of this religious shit.
Yeah, and where we come from, women don't get to talk.
Cunt.
-[Grand Canyon Elder laughing] -[knife slamming]
Keep talking, and I'll carve you one.
[Grand Canyon Elder chuckling]
-[knife clatters] -Look, the Commonwealth
pretty much lets the Canyon rule itself.
So, far as we're concerned, everyone else... go fuck themselves.
Especially you.
You just like that they let you fuck robots.
That was one Squire, and he was well within his rights.
-Unbelievable! -[Coronado Elder] We wasted
precious resources coming here,
and I'm not doing anything with that yahoo!
[Grand Canyon Elder] I'm the one who fuckin'--
Yes.
We have our differences.
But there is something we all agree on.
[dramatic music playing]
Power.
[softly] Holy fuck!
How many of those can you make?
More than all of human history
could ever consume.
The Codex does say that...
violence against a fellow Brother is forbidden.
But I suppose the Codex is open...
to interpretation.
Yeah, that.
[spitting] Fuck the Commonwealth.
[Quintus] Then it's decided.
Let's drink to it, hm?
[Coronado Elder] Bottoms up!
[Grand Canyon Elder] Yeah, ha, ha! Fuck the Commonwealth.
[Lucy] I like your outfit.
Gratias.
You speak Latin? Good for you.
I'm a school teacher myself, so education is very important to me.
You're a kindly profligate.
Thank you.
I'm headed to Las Vegas.
You shouldn't.
Oh, I... I have to. I'm looking for someone.
You should go home.
I wouldn't want to see you get raped by the wrong people.
I'll bear that in mind.
[menacing music playing]
[twig snaps]
[whispering] Fudge.
[whispering] Hello?
[people chattering]
[Vault 31er 1] This is not what I signed up for.
[Vault 31er 2] I want to go back. How do I turn my cryo chamber back on?
[Vault 31er 3] That's not how it works, doorknob.
[Norm] If you could just listen to me.
-[Vault 31ers continue chattering] -Listen to me!
[chattering stops]
Who even are you, seriously?
I'm the product of 200 years of genetic engineering.
Part of a race of super managers.
And all of you have been selected to be my staff.
You think we've been left locked in Vault 31 by accident?
You think Bud Askins made mistakes?
-Never. -No chance.
-Well... -[Clark] Oh, my God, Claudia,
we're trying to have a conversation here.
[Norm] No, she may have a point.
I assume some of the things he said seem downright outlandish.
But look at where we are.
We're standing in the product of his life's work.
We are his life's work.
It has to count for something.
This is Bud's final test.
If I can lead you all to finding our way out of here,
we'll have proven ourselves worthy to carry on
Vault-Tec's corporate strategy together.
And those of you who work quickly and as a team...
will receive these merit dots.
[Vault 31er] Ooh!
-Merit dots? -Oh.
-[Vault 31ers murmuring] -[Clark] Wait.
I took notes at a meeting with the company
that installed ventilation.
Dibs on ventilation!
Oh, the fire suppression system.
Maybe we can get some water from there.
[Vault 31er 1] Maybe we could borrow underground, make a tunnel.
[Vault 31er 2] I'll hack the Overseer's console,
so we can override some security protocols.
[Vault 31er 3] There has to be a schematics somewhere around here…
♪♪
[robotic whirring]
[tires screeching]
[ominous music playing]
[Hank MacLean] Vision still a little fuzzy?
Well, you know what they say.
-[ice rattling] -Have a glass of champagne.
Who are you? [wincing]
♪♪
-My name is Henry MacLean. -Henry?
-I prefer Hank. -[sighs] Hank.
Is it Reclamation Day?
Yes, it is Reclamation Day, just not quite the way
we thought it would be.
I've been running an experiment here
and it's not going well.
The mice are so small, they're tiny.
It's a very fiddly business.
Ah, okay. I think there's been some sort of mistake.
I signed up for the Vault-Tec Premium Elite Plus.
Did you read the fine print?
Yes.
Well, I didn't.
I prefer the classics.
So much has changed since you went under.
But it's what stayed the same that concerns me.
Old habits, I guess.
But I am optimistic that we will be able to work out the kinks.
[device beeps, clacks]
[Hank sighs]
I noticed on your file that you had a family,
but you only bought a ticket for one.
Uh, it was expensive.
[clicking tongue] You can't put a price on family, Steve.
We were very clear about that in the advertisements.
Family is the first building block of civilization.
What are you doing?
I'm improving...
a piece of outdated technology.
-[tone pulsing] -Civilization.
It hasn't worked out so far.
But, if at first you don't succeed...
[clicking]
[tone pulse accelerating]
[teeth rattling]
[pulse accelerating]
-[splatting] -[flesh dripping]
[Hank sighs]
Try, try again.
[suspenseful music playing]
[Lucy] Hello?
[rustling]
I realize we all have our cultural differences,
but just so you know...
I am nice.
[high-pitched ringing]
[♪ Johnny Mercer: "Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive"]
♪ You've got to accen-tuate the positive ♪
♪ Elim-minate the negative ♪
♪ And latch on to the affirmative ♪
♪ Don't mess with Mr. In-Between ♪
♪ You got to spread joy up to the maximum ♪
-♪ Bring gloom down to the minimum ♪ -[Vault 31ers grunting]
♪ Have faith or pandemonium ♪
♪ Liable to walk upon the scene ♪
-[grunting] -[hatch clanking, echoing]
♪ My last remark, Jonah in ♪♪
-[grunting] -[all gasping]
I found a ladder!
[panting]
Lead the way, boss.
[unsettling music playing]
[music intensifies]
[banging]
♪♪
[dramatic music playing]
So dirty.
Aw, man, the mall's gone.
It's beautiful.
[wind whistling]
[uplifting music playing]
-[crowd cheering] -[metal clanging]
-[Knight exclaiming] -[metal clanging]
[Knight laughing]
[crowd shouting]
-[metal clanging] -[all cheering]
[grunting]
-[Knight exclaiming] -[metal clanging]
-[blow lands] -[Knight] Aw! Take that, bitch!
[Knight laughing]
[grunting]
-[loud thud] -[Knight laughing]
-[Knight] Who's next? -[cheering and applause]
You the one who killed that NCR bitch?
Mold Over?
Mold-- Moldaver.
I did, I... yeah. I did that.
Bet I could mash you.
Probably.
Alright, let me get my armor.
No armor.
Bareback.
[armor dragging]
[cheering and applause]
[crowd shouting]
[crowd] Ohh!
Oh! Oh!
[shouting and applause]
[grunting]
[shouting, cheering continue]
Yeah!
[cheering and applause]
[tense music playing]
[grunting]
-[flesh squelching] -[crowd shouting]
[somber music playing]
[grunting]
♪♪
[inaudible]
♪♪
[Vertibird whirring]
[whirring continues]
[Vertibird powering down]
Sorry to interrupt.
Paladin Harkness. Liaison from the Commonwealth.
I understand we're discussing a civil war.
I must not have gotten my invitation.
And yet, here you are.
Welcome.
[intense music playing]
[♪ Chubby Checker: "Let's Twist Again"]
♪ Come on, everybody, clap your hands ♪
♪ Aw, you're looking good ♪
♪ I'm gonna sing my song, it won't take long ♪
♪ We're gonna do the twist, and it goes like this ♪
♪ Come on, let's twist again like we did last summer ♪
♪ Yeah, let's twist again like we did last year ♪
♪ Do you remember when things were really hummin' ♪
♪ Yeah, let's twist again, twisting time is here ♪
♪ Hee-ah, round and round and up and down ♪
♪ We go again ♪
♪ Oh, baby, make me know you love me so, and then ♪
♪ Twist again like we did last summer ♪
♪ Come on, let's twist again like we did last year ♪
♪ Do you remember when things were really hummin' ♪
♪ Come on, let's twist again, twistin' time is here ♪
♪ Bop, bop! ♪
♪♪