What is happening?
It's not my fault! I was just looking for secret passageways!
Then congrats on finding one!
Why is there an alarm on a secret passageway?
Because that secret passageway leads to the Forbidden Wing!
Installed the alarm myself.
How do we turn it off?
Okay, see you guys later.
You're not going into the Forbidden Wing.
Also, why is it called the Forbidden Wing?
Ugh. That's what the ghost vote landed on.
I was a fan of the Dark Place,
but our vote got split with pranksters voting for Cucktown.
No, I mean, why is it forbidden?
Oh, you know, it's old, it's dark.
It's home to a mysterious evil
that consumes all humans and ghosts who enter.
Never got around to dealing with it while I was corporeal.
Hey, another project you never finished.
-Name one project I never finished. -Hedge maze.
Growing in nicely.
Yeah, we're boarding this up.
Ooh, I have the email of a contractor who could help.
He's super cheap because he was convicted of…
You know what? He's just super cheap.
Wow. Haven't checked this since I died. Let's see.
Party invite. Party invite.
Shouldn't have died so close to barbecue season.
Wait a minute. Why is there an email from Mom sent after you died?
You emailed your dead brother?
-Yeah, we don't need to read that. -We don't need to, but we want to.
-I don't. -Why not?
Because I obviously never meant for anyone to read it.
-What's Spooky Boys Productions? -Oh! Oh! Oh!
Open it! Open it! Katherine, why aren't you opening it?
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
A big-time reality show wants to film an episode in the hotel!
What's the show?
Ghost Hunters.
According to my research,
the caddie drowned in the lake behind this shed.
Talk about a water hazard.
Jib, you picking anything up?
EMF readings are off the charts.
I'd say we're looking at a par-boo.
Fore!
I cannot explain that!
I rate this encounter three ghosts.
Boo, boo, boo!
Oh, I'd be great on this show!
I'd have a nickname like "The Squirrel," and I'd be super unreliable.
You said you read the book that would break the curse!
-I skimmed it! -Damn it, Squirrel!
I'm gonna be so good on TV!
Why would you want to be shrunk down and trapped in the prison box?
I'm sorry, is that what you think TV is?
Abaddon, a TV isn't a prison.
It's more like a book,
but with pictures sending messages of love and friendship
and graphic true crime across the world.
Sending messages?
Meaning I could use TV to transmit my message across the globe,
begetting a new horde of disciples to do my unholy bidding?
Probably.
Just goes to show,
you send enough emails to random reality shows,
good things happen.
Damn it, Jessica!
Except this isn't happening.
There are a million ways shooting a TV show
in a haunted hotel could backfire.
We could lose business.
Look, I just don't want to turn the hotel into a gimmick
for the amusement of… ten million people?
And this isn't even one of the classic episodes
like "Haunted Theme Park" or "Racism Apology."
Ten million people. Even if a fraction of them come to visit--
The hotel would collapse.
I'm in, but we're doing this my way.
Not just winging it and giving up halfway through.
I can see that's a shot at me and will think of a comeback later.
We need to curate this experience.
Our best ghosts doing their spookiest bits.
We need…
Ghost auditions! I'm a shoo-in.
I'm the only ghost in this hotel who was in talkies.
Aside from that Shirley Temple wannabe, Jillian Demure.
I'm just a peanut A little baby peanut
Looking for my shell!
Ben, slam the door in her face.
Ben? Ben. Ben!
Sorry, I was lost in thought. A heavy thought, now that you ask.
What should I sing?
The obvious choice is "Little Jazz Bird" from the hit musical Lady, Be Good!
But what if everyone sings that?
Speaking of asking each other for advice, you know my bully Zeff?
So his parents are splitting up,
and apparently tormenting me is the only way he can, quote, "feel normal."
Ben, you'll be bullied forever. Auditions are in one hour.
You're right. Tabling my needs until your needs are met in full.
Thank you for coming.
As you know, we need ghosts to appear in a TV show.
We're going for a classic haunting. Scary, but fun scary.
Which means no murderers, or perverts, or pervert murderers.
-Not too late to keep the perverts. -At least we've got Nathan.
Not a pervert, and proud of it. But I also can't be on TV.
What? This was your idea.
It was my idea for the hotel to be on TV. I have stage fright.
Also, Mom thinks I'm dead. Hey, where am I buried, by the way?
Let's make some of these ghosts famous!
I'm a ghost!
Trapped in this beautiful hotel with spacious, cozy rooms!
-Is this how you think ghosts talk? -It's how I want ghosts to talk.
Well, what if I write a script telling you how to talk?
Next!
Stabby, stabby…
Not the lines, Stabby Paul.
Stabby! Stabby!
Next!
My name is Patrick Pumpkin And soon you will see why
A pumpkin knocked my head off When it fell from the sky
And now I live to tap dance It's how I pay my rent
My body is a monster From a previous accident
This is a confusing backstory.
Am I crazy, or is this sort of good?
P-A-T-R-I-C…
-Is that what he wanted to do? -Next!
I mean, you were a therapist before you drowned all those llamas.
How do I make someone pay attention to my needs?
Okay, catch you later, man.
Maybe there's a book that can help.
Hmm.
Ow!
What the…
Oh my God!
This would make an incredible diary!
Dear diary, it's Ben.
How are you?
I'm… good. Could be better.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Wait, are you responding to me?
Yes. I'm an enchanted book.
And I'm enchanted to meet you. No… dumb.
Ow! Easy with the pen, dude.
Sorry!
Anyway, I'm sure you have more important ways to fill your pages
than with teen love troubles.
Ben, that's what my pages are for. What's on your mind?
Okay, well, stop me if this is familiar,
but my ghost girlfriend is too distracted by a reality show casting
to hear about my bully's parents' marital problems…
That killer's still on the loose.
And I won't lose you like I lost your brother to the Prussians.
What was in that email you sent me?
I don't wanna talk about this right now. Or ever.
God gave me these ankles for a reason, Mom!
What if we talk about it once and then never again?
Nothing to talk about. A counselor made me send an email as a therapeutic exercise.
I said I miss you and can't wait to play Scrabble in heaven.
Aw! Now I wanna read it even more.
Can I get some ****ing silence?
I am trying to make magic.
God! Amateurs! You all deserve Jillian Demure.
Next!
That's everyone?
This isn't hard, people.
Just drift in and go, "Boo! I'm a ghost."
"I moan all night, scream all day,
and love licking the lobby fruit bowl for some reason."
-The Ghost Hunters are here! -You're all hired.
Make the lobby spooky and keep your clothes on.
Built in 1873,
the Undervale Hotel has hosted kings, presidents,
and dozens upon dozens of people who were never seen again.
It's truly the gem of New York, if you only count upstate.
-Not much, state. What's up with you? -Did you just think of that?
Cut! Scratch that take. It's rubbish.
Better we get this at magic hour anyway. I want a Malick feel.
Wow, you do not sound like your on-screen personas.
It's called TV magic, love.
He called me "love."
Any notes for me? I'm Esther, by the way, but you can call me The Squirrel.
-I'm a bit of a wild card. -Welcome!
Sorry for the interruption. I can see you're professionals, like me.
Too bad I run a hotel filled with ghosts.
Let's go see them! Was that on camera? I can do it again.
-We're good. -Well, if you're good, I'm good.
Come on in!
Be careful you don't trip over all the… ghosts.
What is it, a ghost holiday? Guys, you can come out now.
Oh, there's this guy with knives who jumps out of this clock.
Time flies when you're dead.
You know, the episodes tend to work best when the owner is off-screen.
You heard the man. We've got work to do!
Sorry about her.
Nathan, where are the ghosts?
If I had to guess, I'd say they're on strike
after your incredibly insulting ghost impression.
But I don't have to guess because they're glaring at you.
Hey! Ghost hunters! Ghosts! Up there right now.
Oh, yes, I see them too, love.
Very spooky.
So he just calls everyone "love"?
Here's the plan. Abaddon, put the camera down.
I'll put you down.
Ben, get Annabelle down here.
Nathan, I'll let you read my email if you get the ghosts to come. Esther--
Mingle with Lonny and Jib so they understand what I bring to the show.
-Go do your homework. -Lonny, let's shoot this bird!
Uh, sorry, what's that?
Oh, just a… normal book.
But… But, uh, hey, what are you gonna do?
I'm going to vacuum.
EMF reader, huh? I'm a bit of a ghost hunter myself.
Truly precious, but not as precious as our equipment,
which you should not touch or even look at.
Thanks for being a fan. Stay ghoul.
They blew me off?
Oh, I'll stay ghoul.
I'll stay very ghoul.
You're just in time. In a normal hotel, you vacuum up dust bunnies,
but here, we vacuum dust monsters.
Hang on. Hello?
Is this a sympathy strike?
I'm vacuuming!
Get your purple ass out here and attack me!
-I can see you in there. -This is bad TV.
I've never been so disrespected.
Ben, if you love me, you'll push your mother down the stairs.
Mm-hmm. Another idea.
You do my mom a personal favor by appearing on a TV show.
No one this century understands me!
Are you still there?
You've reached this magic diary's answering machine.
I'm screwing with you.
What's up?
Not much. Sup with you?
Come on, Ben. It's me.
I know you write slow when you're lying.
Is it something with Annabelle?
I just feel like I can't tell her things.
So tell them to me.
I worry if we broke up,
she'd move on to that World War One pilot who's always flirting…
She constantly walks in on me peeing,
even though I've told her that's my special time.
I mean, how am I supposed to have my dream church wedding
if the bride can't leave the hotel?
That sounds hard, Ben. She said that?
You sound handsome. I think shorts are super cool!
Favorite shark on three. One, two, three…
-Mako! -Mako!
Classic Scary Ghosts of the Undervale.
Right now, at this very moment,
an episode of television is being shot in the hotel above us.
Which is why we can no longer be consumed by our petty differences.
By who gets to haunt what.
Or who insulted who with what was, frankly, a pretty good impression.
We need to rise above that.
Rise through the floor.
Rise to the challenge!
And if we do our jobs right,
we will no longer see TV as a thing we watch.
We'll see it as a thing we were on one time.
What did you say?
-Who is this man? -I don't know.
Really? No inglés? None of you?
Ah, dang it. That speech was bueno.
Legend has it that the bellhop killed his wife, cut her up,
and put the pieces in a guest's luggage.
Explain that to TSA.
More like CSA.
Corpse. Suitcase. Agh!
Come on, they're talking about you. Just go introduce yourself.
Sorry. I have to go lick the fruit bowl in the lobby
since that's apparently all ghosts do.
Cut!
Did you just throw a book at me?
Uh, no.
They're frauds! Lonny is British! Jib hates his fans!
Bad news, none of the ghosts are coming.
Good news, I'm gonna learn Spanish.
Enough! We are trying to shoot art!
Wait. Where's my camera?
Someone grab that anachronistic boy!
Maybe Ben convinced Annabelle.
Now, my fifth most common recurring dream is--
Annabelle! It's not what it looks like.
Which I guess is just journaling.
-It's what it looks like. -Really?
It looks like you're confiding hopes and dreams to the spirit inside a book!
Wow, that was a really good guess.
I don't have to guess. I've been watching you have an emotional affair
with this hardcover tramp for the last ten minutes!
-It's not an affair if it's a book! -I've heard that before.
What does this book have that I don't? You don't like this? Or this? Or these?
Maybe I need more than ghost ankles.
My diary listens to me. I can tell it what I want.
You could have told me!
I didn't even know you had one recurring dream.
Enjoy the book while it lasts!
There's only a few pages left.
I'll write small.
I'll write small!
Hey, you fellas wanna see a room full of rats?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're leaving? What about the episode?
Oh, there'll be an episode.
About the worst haunted hotel we've ever seen.
We're giving you no ghosts.
Also, we're still missing a camera. What happened to that boy from the past?
Greetings, potential slaves. I am the Cobra King. Let's get into it.
-We'll bill you for the camera. -Uh…
No, no, wait! There's one last place you need to see.
I wasn't gonna tell you because it's incredibly dangerous
and I… I didn't think you could handle it.
Are you seriously trying to use reverse psychology?
Like hell we can't handle it!
What up, y'all? We're here checking out the Forbidden Wing.
And we're not talking about a hot wing…
That fell in the toilet!
How are they so popular?
Your email was a list of things you're mad at me about?
You read the email. Wait, how did you even open it?
He asked. And I love drama.
"I hate that you left me a dying parrot when you went to college"?
"I hate that you only came to visit when you needed money"?
"I hate the way you flipped over Scrabble tiles
to pretend they were blanks, and then the words weren't even good."
So you didn't wanna play Scrabble with me in heaven?
Nathan, I told you that email was a therapeutic exercise.
What therapist tells you to send an email to a dead guy
with things you're still mad at him about?
Technically, the exercise was to email things I missed about you,
but I got sidetracked.
Is that the Forbidden Wing?
Uh, no. I mean, I… I… I don't think so. All these hallways look alike.
When I say "for," you say "bidden"!
-For! -Bidden!
You sent them to the Forbidden Wing slash Dark Place slash Cucktown?
You said there was a mysterious evil in there.
-That's their whole thing. -We need to get them out.
Might be too late for that.
Dude, what is that?
Ah, ghost on camera. I win!
Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks!
Still, ghost on camera.
Emotional affair. Give me a break.
Annabelle died before therapy even existed.
She wouldn't know an emotional affair if it made her a playlist.
Oh my God. It's an emotional affair.
-Wait, what? -Look, man, I'm no expert.
I'm just a guy that got trapped in a book by a witch.
But it's obvious you have issues advocating for yourself.
Wait, you're a guy?
-'Cause you told me you were a magic book. -What's the difference?
I'm not comfortable being vulnerable with men.
Or anyone.
Why are you so afraid of asking for what you want?
Because if she doesn't like what I want, she might leave.
Oh, pfft. Then let her.
Take it from someone who's heard all your secrets.
You're enough, just the way you are.
But also, that toe thing isn't just part of puberty. See a doctor.
You're right. Thank you, diary.
Anytime. Now, if you fill this last page,
the curse will be broken, and I can finally--
I've got it from here, friend.
It's quiet. Maybe they're fine.
Not like this!
Please, God! Not like this!
That's what you get for disrespecting The Squirrel.
Esther, go to the lobby and guide us. Nathan?
What? You wanna complain about how I called our parents
by their first names all of high school?
Just come with me.
Because I never heard Bob and Diane complain!
Oh.
It just keeps going. How big is this wing?
Not as big as the grudge you held against me.
-Oh, there's an echo in here. -Esther, where am I going?
I see you on Jib's camera. It's right ahead of you.
Where are they?
It latched onto his head.
Where am I? Who am I?
Aw, man, I'm a brunette?
Lonny, what happened?
It sucked out his memories!
What did?
Probably him.
-Or her. -This is such an unflattering cut.
Shut up about your hair!
Go!
Lady doesn't wanna see you.
Go crash another biplane.
Ben, I've never heard you talk like that.
Because I never say what I want. But you know what? Here goes.
I wanna do a couple's Halloween costume. I wanna take you to a school dance.
I… I want someone to deliver a huge bouquet of flowers to my classroom
so everyone's like, "Whoa, who's the lucky fella?"
And then the lucky fella is me.
And I wanna fight that World War One fighter pilot
who clearly has a thing for you,
because you're the only person I wanna have an emotional affair with.
You had me at huge bouquet of flowers.
What did he mean, "World War One"?
Uh, which way is the exit?
I thought you were keeping track while I was busy being mad.
Just keep running!
Kathy, in case we die,
I absolutely did invent the phrase "as if."
Also, I forgive you.
You forgive me?
You told the kids Ron and I are splitting up before I did.
I needed to vent.
I'm being chased by a monster that eats memories.
In case it gets me, here are all the most famous people I've had sex with.
Dame Judi--
Help me up!
You were a ghost the whole ti--
Boy, sure is dark in here, eh?
Wait, so he was Canadian, pretending to be British,
pretending to be American? Why?
The masks we wear, huh?
Over here!
-It's The Squirrel! -Don't encourage this career path.
Oh God!
Oh!
Katherine!
Wait, what's it doing?
It's eating the camera's memories.
No!
-Kathy, just leave it! -It's the only camera left.
-So what? -I can't just give up.
Uh, yes, you can.
Look, I had to hear your problems with me.
Here's your problem. You can't let anything go.
I mean, even after I died,
you had to send an email complaining about how I didn't invent almond milk.
Because you didn't.
It doesn't matter. Just let it go.
Let it go.
Good news, gang. Annabelle has agreed to be in the episode.
Don't you remember? You guys run a scholarship fund
for precocious girls who you treat with respect.
-That does sound like us. -Who are us again?
Adorable. Hey, have a sticker.
Done.
-What's this? -The email I should've sent.
"Things I like about my brother."
"He believes in me, even when I don't."
-You don't have to read it out loud. -Everyone!
Come hear the nice things my sister wrote about me!
Hey, if any followers of the Cobra come to the hotel, that's for me.
I uploaded his video. It already has two views.
-One view is mine. It wasn't for me. -I wonder who the other view is.
And then your precious leaders will be cut up like hot dogs at lunch.
And I am the ketchup. How do I stop recording?